The Mumbai 7/11 Blasts is the second worst terror attack on the city ever. As usual the below template refined and perfected by now, since the last bombings in 1993 was followed religiously by the Red Brigade consisting of Media, journalists, intellectuals, a few bloggers etc…
If you are a budding hypocrite, pseudo-intellectual, Fifth columnist err….Newspaper columnist etc… please do make use of this template and you will be just fine. If you are lucky and provided you have grovelled and licked boots and made a complete ass of yourself you might even win yourself a Pulitzer or a CNN franchise or a mention in the Mitrokhin Archives-Part 5.
Day 1: “I’m shocked and horrified at this…”
Day 2: “Why didn’t our security people do more…”
Day 3: “You have no evidence to claim that…”
Day 4: “We need to find The Root Causes…”
Day 5: “Terrorism is a relative word…”
Day 6: “How dare you round up…”
Day 7: “The state is the real terrorist…”
Please do personalize the above template with regards to place, time, situation etc… for example if its Mumbai please attach salaam_mumbai.pps praising Mumbai’s collective feeling of contempt at our politicians that they won’t do anything anyway so why not get on with our lives as Mumbai’s resilience.
And do not forget to add the standard attachment XYZ_Condemn_in_strongest_terms.doc all that you have to do is replace XYZ by the name of the VIP and issue it immediately. The excel file All_Those_VIPs_Who_Need_To_Issue_Statements.xls is in the same folder where i keep those sleazy MMS’es. Please don’t mix it up with the list of all the Madams and Pimps in South Delhi which i think is also in the same folder.
Blame the Chaddis, don’t worry they are not really that ferocious.They only bark but don’t bite. Arrey even my old, half-senile pooch who has lost all her teeth and can barely see growls whenever she comes across a Chaddi. They are only fit for making Chaddi marches and burning BEST buses after asking all the passengers to get down and carrying the old ladies to safety.
It is like Bush blaming Saddam that he had WMD’s. One has to create paper tigers to fight against because as you very well know fighting the real lions is not very wise.
Add Gujarat_200000000_killed.scr. You can use this file for eternity. Even when Osama’s great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandchild bombs the Martian city of Zilkolis in 2288 AD.Your great-great-great-great-great-great-great granchild can use this file to say why Osama the Eighth’s ancestor had got alienated and since then all his future progeny remained alienated and were hence forced to bomb infidel civilians. And please don’t forget to hide Godhra.doc it can land you in big trouble.
Be creative, emotions sell. One blogger said that his sister almost got on one of the trains near Bandra before she decided to take a Autorickshaw instead.This forms a instant bonding with the readers. It has got elements of a Alfred Hitchcock thriller Will she, Won’t she. Then at the end she doesn’t and the audience heaves a collective sigh of relief. nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Remember the Pulitzer.
Don’t forget to remind the audience that you were the first on the scene and your CNN Master is thrilled with you. Forward those emails to your staff and raise their spirit.OK, that is all when you become the Boss. Now you are only a Nincompoop. So stop Day Dreaming and get back to work.Fill in this Story for me now.
“Jehadis join in the Class Struggle by bombing only First Class coaches.Workers Paradise not far away Now!!”
“It is like a Russian roulette – one does not know when will the next blast take place”– Quote by a Class Enemy
And if you were wondering, it is right here. It appeared at last.
Update: More gleefull handwringing by the leftist Media that the Class Enemy was targetted by the Jehadis.
The Red-Green Show Picks up Steam, Samajwadi party leader Abu Azmi
The Full Blooded Reds speak out, Indo-Pak talks should continue :CPI
Barkha Dutt strikes back with her “advice” for India’s Unconditional Surrender to Terrorism. The Piss process should go on no matter what you see. What is a few hundred dead? The cause of the Piss process is Greater.
TOI’s Favourite Gujarati Angle, Attacks retaliation for Gujarat riots?